


Why?

by Merlocked18



Category: Merlin (TV) RPF
Genre: Angst, Art, Beers, Drabble, Lovers, M/M, Reunion, oil pastels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-01-31 19:36:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18598018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merlocked18/pseuds/Merlocked18
Summary: Bradley wants to know why his relationship with Colin didn't work out, so he goes to his house, armed with beers, to have a heart-to-heart.





	Why?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [archaeologist_d](https://archiveofourown.org/users/archaeologist_d/gifts).



> Written for the Merlin RPF Prompt Fest for the following prompt by archaeologist_d:  
> Bradley always worn his heart on his sleeve and it had scared Colin half to death, enough that he'd made a serious attempt to distance himself from Bradley after Merlin was over. Because if he gave in, he'd never let Bradley go. Ten years on, Bradley showed up at his doorstep, alcohol in hand, and asked the simple question, "Why?"
> 
> This is all fabricated. I don't mean to offend. I just have a lot of love in my heart for these two.

 

"Out of charge?! Now?"

Bradley sat in an empty carriage on the tube, staring at his useless iPhone, pressing the buttons, only to confirm that the thing was indeed absolutely dead. He rolled his eyes and tutted at himself.

"Useless."

He never did that. He always made sure he had charge, or a battery pack. What had he been thinking? Well, he hadn't been thinking. He was going to see Colin, heaven forbid. He wasn't thinking straight. His heart and sweaty palms were in charge, barely holding on to the six bottles of vegan lager and some vegan crisps; he hadn't really been thinking about such unimportant things as charging his phone. He hadn't called in advance to check if Colin was at home either, because he was afraid of chickening out if he knew for certain.

How long had it been since that awful night? It had to be about two years now. It really was absurd how time did nothing to calm his nerves - it was the effect Colin, or the prospect of seeing Colin, had on him. Really though? What had possessed him to take this step? Colin didn't want to see him, he had made that abundantly clear. Colin wasn't expecting a visit, he would mostly likely not be home either, so Bradley could just get off at the next station, take the next one back home again and save some face.

He pocketed his useless phone and with nothing to fiddle with, his mind started supplying him with visions of how things might go. He wanted to ask questions of Colin, press him for an explanation. Why could they not have given it another go, hadn't they both wanted it, deep down? The rest of the world be damned! Bradley knew how it would go. Colin would squirm, clam up and change the subject. They'd drink a few and watch a film and that would be that. They would both chicken out and not address the actual issues between them. But Bradley really wanted to address them. He couldn't go on like this, torturing himself, listening to _The Worldship Humility_ , having Colin's voice lull him to sleep every night...

 

 

 Liquid courage! Maybe, if they rendered themselves slightly on the tipsy side, they might make some headway. Bradley hoped they could really talk, even without drink. And maybe talking might lead to other things. He really missed all those other things. Those other things kept him awake at night. There really wasn't anything like holding Colin close. Just the thought of kissing Colin again made him want to cry. 

Getting off the train at his destination, Bradley almost tripped. His nerves were getting the better of him. The only way to calm himself would be to drink himself into a stupour or find blessed relief in the arms of his favourite ever person.

"You better be there," he mumbled to himself.

Clutching his beers he struck the path he had memorized. Back in the day he had undertaken this journey in stealth each time, avoiding people as much as possible. This time he felt quite reckless and smiled at people he met. Colin's flat was a five-minute walk from the station. Would anyone in the neighbourhood recognise him? There goes that actor, whatshisface, oh, and he's got beers.

Bradley really wished he didn't have to think of that part of the equation. It wasn't the x, the unknown, here. It was Colin's reaction to his visit that had his stomach in knots. What would Colin say? Would he be appalled at the sight of Bradley? Would he sigh and mutter a half-hearted "Come in then..."?

The green door with its gleaming brass 66 beckoned Bradley closer. _Another 6 and it'd be my address_ , Bradley had joked more than once. Good times. A sudden wave of longing for this to be his actual address stole over him. 

"Keep it together, man," Bradley muttered to himself and took the small set of steps to Colin's front door. One calming breath and Bradley pressed the doorbell. The posh chime had grated on Colin's nerves, yet it seemed he hadn't had it changed yet. Bradley had to smile at the notion of Colin scrunching up his face, in an ultra-adorable way, every time someone rang the doorbell.

In general, Colin hated when the doorbell rang.

Bradley inwardly apologised for pressing the offending button and waited. Quite a few moments went by. No one came to the door. Colin was not at home. What had he expected anyway? Colin was always working. Resigned to the fact that he would not see his favourite ever person that day, Bradley turned to go. 

"Bradley?"

Bradley stumbled on the last step, almost dropping the bottles. Colin rushed out to take the box of bottles from him.

"Hey, Cols! You're home."

Colin gave him his thousand megawatt smile. "You brought vegan beer."

Bradley could only gaze at Colin fondly. Gods, he had missed the way Colin's face lit up when he smiled.  And, he was smiling? Why was Colin smiling? He hated Bradley, right?

"Oy, I asked you a question?"

"Huh?" Bradley said, confused.

"Are those vegan crisps I spy, in your hoodie pocket?" Colin reached out with his free hand to Bradley's midriff and Bradley snapped out of his ruminations to follow the proceedings better. Colin's free hand was digging around in his pocket! Colin pulled out the crisp packets Bradley had indeed stowed away in his hoodie pocket. Colin's proximity made molten goop of Bradley's insides, and brains.

"Now that you have delivered the goods, you can go," Colin deadpanned.

"You..."

"Was there something else you wanted? I am right busy."

Bradley took in the pursed lips and pointed stare and it finally sunk in who he was talking to. He felt the laughter bubble up inside him and he let out a belly laugh that sent some pigeons nearby into flight, which made both of them laugh like right idiots.

"Come on? Let's get you inside before you ruin my classy reputation."

"Ha! Local pigeons will have a field day discussing your goingson," Bradley shoved Colin inside, truly elated that Colin was still Colin - the man he felt at ease with. 

"Tosser," Colin spat, grinning like a loon.

"Idiot," Bradley barked, closing the frontdoor behind them.

"I'll put these in the freezer for a bit." Colin carried the box of bottles through to the kitchen and Bradley followed, hope bubbling in his chest.

Colin's kitchen was a right mess.

"What happened here?" Bradley stared at the stacks of books and sheets of paper with Colin's cute notes in the margins that Colin had spread out on the kitchen table.

"Researching for a gig," Colin said.

Bradley nodded. "I am sorry to have interrupted..., he began, but Colin waved away his apology.

"Hey, I needed a break anyway. I am glad you came. It's been a while, hasn't it?"

"Yeah, I thought it might be nice to catch up, now that I am in town for a bit." Bradley had really wanted to say reconnect, but platonic friendship might be better than nothing at all.

"Yeah?" Colin grabbed two glasses out of the cupboard. "Orange juice while we wait for the beers to cool down?"

"Please, Bradley said and looked around for a place to sit.

"Let us go into the parlour, Master Bradley," Colin said, affecting an aristocratic English voice. Bradley chuckled.

"Are you researching a period piece, Colin?"

"I am perchance, Sir, that, Sir," Colin said demurely, handing over a glass of orange juice and bowing.

"Well, this brings back memories..." Bradley stated and took the proffered glass.

Both giggled like idiots at that.

They sat down on Colin's sofa. It was a nice and long one. 

"Is this new?" Bradley asked running his free hand over the dark-grey fabric of the sofa cushions.

"Uhm, I bought it two years ago. My god, has it really been two years since..." Colin's voice trailed off.

Bradley took another sip, not looking at Colin. "Yeah I think it might be, actually," he said quietly.

They sat in silence. Bradley was cursing himself for having opened that can of worms with his innocent question about the sofa. He might as well go for broke.

"What was wrong with the old one?"

Colin chuckled to himself, shaking his head. He looked at Bradley. "You don't wanna know." Colin took another sip of his juice, leant back and sighed, staring at the ceiling.

"Tell me," Bradley said. He put his half-full glass of juice on the sofa table and turned to Colin.

"Did you have an orgy on it, getting it all mucked up with lube and cum and red wine...and shit?"

Colin giggled. Bradley giggled, too. Intrigued now.

"If only. No, it's much more pathetic. I might tell you when I am pissed though."

Bradley loved that about Colin. He was such a drunk motor mouth.

"The beers are in the freezer, mate. I'll go get two and transfer the rest into the fridge before they explode,  alright?"

 "OK," Colin said, downing the rest of his orange juice.

 

"Cheers!"

 Bradley wasn't really keen on vegan lager but he would drink it for Colin's benefit no problem.

"So..." Bradley began, bottle in hand.

"So..." Colin mimicked.

"Here we are."

"Yes."

Bradley could not contain his curiosity any longer.

"Tell me about the sofa."

He stared at Colin in eager anticipation.

"Bradley..." Colin groaned.

"It's that embarrassing?"

"It's worse!"

"Don't tell me! Your parents had sex on it!"

"What?! NO!!! Gawd, don't even say that. Jesus fuck, James!!"

Bradley laughed at the look of absolute horror on Colin's face.

"It's dumb. I am not going to tell you. Just forget about it". Colin put the bottle to his lips. It looked like he wanted to lock his lips on the vessel so as not to ever have to speak again.

"I will tickle you," Bradley said, nodding significantly.

Colin's lips plopped off the bottle. "You wouldn't!"

Bradley put his bottle down with a clunk.

"I AM HOLDING A BOTTLE!" Colin screeched, as he made to get up, but Bradley pounced on him.

"NEW SOFA!!"

"Tell me!"

"NO!" "

"Colin."

"FUCK. OFF!!"

They tussled for a good while, Colin desperately trying to hold the bottle upright while Bradley pinched his sides mercilessly. Colin's helpless giggles were so lovely Bradley really wanted to snog the truth from Colin's lips.

"Tell me."

"STOP!!!"

"You will tell me?"

"FINE!"

"Really?"

"FUCK!!"

"Really?"

"FUCK!!!"

Bradley let go but stayed close to Colin on the sofa.

Colin took a few calming breaths and a swig of beer.

"Bloody bastard you..."

"Well?..?" Bradley intoned. Colin deflated.

"The old sofa was too short."

"Huh?"

"It was too short. For me. My long legs."

"You just wanted a bigger sofa?"

"Yeah," Colin said dramatically, as if there was a lot of significance in that.

"That's not even...what is that? That is what I had to tickle you for?" Bradley was confused.

Colin looked at him sadly.

"What?"

Colin finally set his beer down on the side table and turned towards Bradley. He worried his lips and was clenching his hands into fists.

"Tell me," Bradley urged softly.

Colin took a deep breath.

"After we broke up, I couldn't bear to sleep in my bed, so I slept on the sofa instead. But I got really bad neck pains and migraines from sleeping with my head on the armrest every night, so I ordered a bigger sofa. And now you know."

 Bradley didn't know what to say. He just stared at Colin. 

"I know it's probably not the fun story you wanted to hear. I know you didn't come here to discuss sad bygones. You wanted the fun banter and beers and watching the telly and..." Colin reached out for Bradley's bottle on the table.

"Here, you still have some left." Colin fumbled with the bottle and managed to pour half of what was left onto Bradley's hoodie.

"Fuck. Shit! Sorry!!" 

Bradley got up quickly and moved away from the sofa. 

"Jesus, Colin,"

"I am sorry. Jesus I am such a clusterfuck!!"

"Colin, no. Take it easy. I 'll soak it in your bathroom sink. Do you have a T-shirt I could borrow?"

"Yeah."

Bradley was happy for the little mishap. He quickly went into the downstairs bathroom. It gave him time to think about how to react to what Colin had told him. He removed his hoodie. He hadn't worn a T-shirt that day and was hoping Colin would have one big enough to fit him.  He let water into the bathroom sink. 

Colin had been so upset that he couldn't sleep in the bed they had shared? That was quite a lot to take in for Bradley, who had laboured under the notion that Colin didn't care. 

He soaked the garment and turned the taps off. Looking up he saw Colin's reflection in the bathroom mirror.

They stared at each other in silence.

"Why?" Bradley asked the reflection.

He turned and repeated the question to the man himself.

"Why would you break it off if it made you feel that way? It doesn't make any sense."

Colin removed his own T-shirt.

"I got some on mine too," he said, by way of explanation, tossing his tee on the floor, striding over to Bradley.

 

 

 "I tried to phone you, you know?" Colin said, tracing patterns on Bradley's cheek with his thumb.

"When you stormed out of my flat, I felt ripped apart. I was so angry at myself. I was never angry at you. I never wanted you gone. It was all on me. I wanted you to know that. I was scared. No, I was a fucking coward, is what I was. I phoned and phoned but it went to voicemail directly each time I tried. So, I stopped trying, like the coward I am, I stopped."

"My phone needs charging again, just so you know."

"Are you going to storm out again?"

"I am stupid, but not so stupid to make the same mistake twice. Besides..." Bradley made a dramatic pause, "I like your new sofa."

"Dick!" Colin slapped Bradley and slumped into his chest. Bradley held on.

"I love the way you say _dick_ ," Bradley overemphasized the word.

"You've listened to it, huh?" Colin muttered, clinging to Bradley harder.

"I won't tell you how many times."

"Why?" Colin asked in a small voice.

"It's pathetic and dumb, and I am not going to tell you."

"I will tickle you."

Both chuckled, hugging each other closer still.

"I have had trouble falling asleep without hearing your voice."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

God, they had been such fucking idiots.

"Shall we go christen your new sofa then?"

"God no, I keep imagining my parents doing it there, as well. We will never have sex on that thing, in fact, I think I will sell that abomination."

"OK, is it okay to reconquer your bed then?"

"Yes, but only if you really think..."

"'UPSTAIRS NOW!"'

Colin pulled away from Bradley's chest in fright.

"Really? _Good Omens_ , too?"

Bradley dragged a chuckling Colin upstairs.

 

***

Imagine the end of the world, and then imagine a world that is mended

For...ever!

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
